Relationships

Dave and I are full timers. We live and travel in our motorhome 365 days per year. We sold our house. Our home is our RV. A lot of people questioned the wisdom of our decision to sell our house and 95% of our “stuff” to travel the country. We expected that response!

One question surprised us: “How can the two of you live together in such a small space? We would either be divorced or we would kill each other!”

For us, it was a relatively “easy” transition. Before RVing, we had spent weeks at a time cruising the coast of Maine in a 34’ boat. And when on land, we ran two independent businesses out of a shared office suite. We were used to spending long periods of time together in smaller spaces. Being in 400 square feet was nothing new to us.

Living and traveling in 400 square feet will not destroy your relationship unless it was careening in that direction already. Living in a small space together does not help or harm a relationship. It only helps your relationship get to wherever it was heading a little faster. For example, if you had a good relationship before living in an RV, your relationship will continue to grow and flourish. If your relationship was already rocky, moving into an RV will only hasten the demise of the relationship.

It Isn’t Just about the Small Space – Privacy

Unfortunately, living in an RV is not just about learning to live with someone else in a small space. For those who travel, learning to live in a small space is only part of it.

Living in 400 square feet means you will lose your privacy. Going to the other room means walking 10 feet or 20 feet down the hall. Of course, you can always go outside or go for a drive, but it doesn’t change the fact that within a few hours you will be back under one roof, sharing space. For those who value privacy, traveling with someone else can be difficult.

Privacy is lost outside as well. If you are in a campground, some sites are so close together you can hear your neighbors’ heat (or AC) turn on in the middle of the night, the smoke from their campfire enters your RV, and the sound of their conversations through open windows can be embarrassing. Some campgrounds have more space, but tell me you have never watched as another camper was pulling in or unhooking their services!

There is no garage to go to, no basement, no spare bedroom. The 400 square feet is all you have. If you have no room or space to go to for “cooling off”, it may mean an argument or the silent treatment is extended.

It Isn’t Just about the Small Space – Family and Friends

Another drastic change about living in an RV is being away from family and friends for holidays, birthdays, graduations and other important events. You can always drive or fly back, but it can be expensive and is frequently difficult logistically. This physical distance from family and friends can make one or both of you feel alone, even though you are 6’ from your significant other.

It can be easy to blame the other person if one of you wants to spend time with family and old friends more than the other person. Resentments and hard feelings can develop. These resentments can hasten the demise of a relationship.

It Isn’t Just about the Small Space – Routine

Living and traveling in an RV means you will be away from everything that is familiar and comfortable to you. Are you someone who tends to go to the same grocery store week after week after week or are you someone who will stop for groceries anywhere you happen to be? When you go out to eat, do you tend to go to the same 4 or 5 restaurants or do you love trying a new place most times you decide to eat out?

If you or your significant other is adventurous, RV living may not have much effect on your relationship. But if one or both of you crave stability, routine and familiarity, full-timing may not be for you!

If One Doesn’t Want to Travel, Don’t.

While this might sound like a “no brainer” to most, some couples may not have had the open and honest discussions about traveling that are necessary. We have met many couples who thought full timing was what “they” wanted to do, only to find out one person is miserable. And maybe that person has been miserable from the start.

Sometimes people think they want to travel; it all sounds so fun and romantic. And it may be until a birthday is missed and guilt sets in. It is fun and exciting until you are driving around trying to find a laundry mat or a grocery store that carries the mayonnaise you like to use. Frustration with the unfamiliar can cause aggravation.

Physical Tips for Living in a Small Space

“Living in a small space” is a relative term. A “small living space” means one thing to one person and may mean something very different to someone else. In downtown New York City, a 400 square feet apartment might seem almost “spacious”! While 400 square feet of living in the suburbs may feel like a tiny home.

Invisible walls
Respect someone else’s work time and space. Perhaps you design your work space so you have your backs to each other. Out of sight, out of mind!

Earplugs
If you can’t create a physical division, consider using earplugs or headphones to listen to two different movies or TV shows while sitting on the same couch.

Technology
Skype/Zoom will help with homesickness. Invest in an internet hot spot and cellphone booster for those remote areas with limited cellphone service, or a Starlink system.

Outdoor living
For many people who share a smaller space, there is the concept of, “I sleep / eat / shower indoors, but I live outdoors.” Find a way to utilize your outdoor space, or that of a local park.

Emotional Tips for Living in a Small Space

There is no better time to practice the Golden Rule – Do unto others as you would have them do unto you – as there is when you are sharing a small space. There is no magic wand that will make close quarters any bigger.

Patience
Try to be patient with your significant other. After all, if you’re feeling claustrophobic, s/he probably feels the same way!

Appreciation
As simple as it sounds, say thank you A LOT! Appreciation goes a long way to smoothing over differences or difficulties.

Teamwork
Most of the time, you only have each other to rely on. When you disagree or argue, find a way to come to common ground.

Tasks
Share all activities, cooking, cleaning, dumping the gray/blackwater, trip planning, navigation and driving. Understanding what someone else does increases patience and appreciation.

Take-away Point

Living full time in a small space can be rewarding if you practice patience and appreciation, if you understand someone else’s need for privacy, routines and rituals (attending birthday parties, etc.). Remember, living in a small space will not make a relationship better or worse; it will only help you get where you are going a little faster!

If this blog has peaked your curiosity and you want to lean more about relationships, please checkout my book on relationships: Relationships Relearned

Your partners in travel,
Kathryn, Dave and Lucky
RVing Nomads

It’s a lifestyle

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